Tuesday, 31 July 2012

Basic Anatomy of Polyamory

A lot of people who have just been introduced to polyamory have some trouble understanding the different forms it can take. Unlike monogamy, which has only one configuration (two people, involved with each other), polyamory comes in many forms. I'll try to explain some of the more common forms.

Three-person configurations:

Vees
A V, or vee, or sometimes L (although V/vee is by far more common) is a relationship in which one person (the hinge) has two partners (the arms or branches), and these two partners are not involved with one another. This might be because they're of incompatible orientations, because they're otherwise incompatible/ not interested in each other, or simply because one or both is monogamous. Vees are pretty common despite the frequent assumption that everyone in a relationship is involved with everyone else.

Triads

A triad is a relationship between three people in which every one of them is dating both of the others. This configuration is impossible when everyone is straight
  



Tees
A T, or tee, is a very specific form of three person relationship. It has a “base couple”, the top of the tee, and an additional partner, often called the couple's “third”. In this relationship configuration, rather than everyone dating everyone as an individual, the third partner dates the other two as a couple. The couple is allowed to have dates without their third, but the third can only date both members of the couple at the same time, or have sex with both of them at the same time.



Four-person configurations:

Ns
An N, or Z/zed/zee, is a vee in which one of the branches also has a second partner. It can start with a couple opening up their relationship and finding a partner each. It could also start with two couples, one member of each getting together. With one more partner on either end, it becomes an M or W, and as you add more partners (with everyone having two partners except the two at the end) it's just referred to as a zigzag. If it comes full circle with more than four partners, it's a ring or an O.

Quads are relationships between four people that come full circle, or rather full square. There are three types:

Squares

A square is a type of quad in which each member dates two of the others but not the third one. Often (but not always) the members are two males and two females and are all straight




Slashed Squares

A slashed square is a type of quad in which all but two of the members are involved. For instance, imagine the same situation as for the square example above, but with the two females (or the two males) involved together as well.




Crossed Squares

An finally, a crossed square, the last type of quad, is a quad in which everyone is involved with everyone else.





Ys
A Y is a relationship that involves one hinge, like with a vee, except in this case there are three branches. You can probably guess that an extra branch would make it an X. After that, we run out of letters. This type of configuration is best known to the public in the form of religious polygamy, usually polygyny, where a man has many wives who only have the one husband. It exists in non-religious contexts though, and in all combinations of genders. The branches typically have either no interest in having more than one partner, or have had no luck finding other partners so far. In that last case, usually the hinge is female and the branches are male, as it tends to be harder for straight males than for females (straight or otherwise) to find partners who are fine with polyamory.


Other combinations (for instance a triad in which one person has a third partner) don't have a specific name that I know of.

That's pretty much it for now. These configurations are all relatively common, however as networks start including more partners, they stop having specific names and handy letters to represent them, and it becomes easier to just ask for a diagram. But in the meantime, if you see these words used, at least you will know what they mean.