In defense of asymetrical polyamorous relationship

I have seen a lot of criticism of asymmetrical poly relationships, both within monogamous "civilian" circles and within polyamorous circles. One common example is religious polygyny, which is the one I am going to focus on in this post.

People tend to assume that in a relationship that includes one poly person and one (or more) mono person/people, the poly one is having all the fun, and the mono ones are victims of an injustice.

This annoys me because it shows that people are unable to see things from a different angle. It seems to me, the people who say this think:

1. Everyone wants to have several partners, ideally.
2. Nobody wants their partner(s) to have other partners, ideally.

If you take these two premises, then mutual monogamy is a compromise in which each partner agrees to have none others so that their partner won't either, and mutual polygamy is a compromise in which every partner agrees to let their partners have others so that they get to as well.

And as a result, a mono/poly relationship becomes this unbalanced thing in which one partner gets his way on both counts, and everyone else doesn't get their way on either count.

But these premises just aren't true. I will counter them with:

1. There are people who only want one partner, and do not want anyone else, ideally. Having someone else would make them less happy, and would require effort on their part. These people are monoamorous (see my previous post for more on amory).
2. There are people who want their partner(s) to have other partners, ideally. If their partners are monogamous, they feel a loss, like they're missing something. Being with a mono person requires effort on their part and makes them less happy. These people are the more compersive types (see my previous post). And yes, they exist (I am one).
3. Some people are part of one category or the other. Some are part of neither. And yes, some people are part of both categories.

Some people want only one partner. And they want that one partner to have other partners. It happens, it exists, and that's the ideal configuration for them, and the one that makes them happy.

I'm not saying that every Mormon female is such a person. I do not know all of them. What I am saying is that when you see a situation that is symmetrical, don't base your assumption on whether it is fair or not purely on the fact that it's asymmetrical. In many cases, a symmetrical relationship would be the one making everyone unhappy.

Look at the relationship. Look at the people. See how happy or unhappy they are, and then, you can make an educated guess on whether or not their relationship model is fair for them.

Until then, the only thing I hear is "I refuse to believe that some people can be mono and compersive at the same time! Sure, they seem happy but I must decide for them that they actually are not, because otherwise I have to question my preconceptions, and I don't want to!"

And that, to me, is as frustrating as people refusing to believe polyamory exists in the first place and assuming poly people are weak, not really in love and/or miserable.